Avoidance can be a natural response to stress and overwhelm. Unfortunately, avoiding the situation not only impedes progress, but can actually increase the stress and anxiety surrounding that thing. The following article by Jeanette Lorandini from Suffolk DBT helps us to understand avoidance and how we can combat this common struggle. Begin reading below and follow the link at the end to continue reading on the original website.
Imagine that you are a student back in school. Perhaps you knew that you would have a big term paper due on a specific date at the beginning of the semester. Naturally, you spent weeks preparing your research and writing your paper. You even had it completed a week before the due date!
Or did you?
Like many students, you probably waited until the very last minute to write the paper. It’s a classic scenario, avoiding a project until it’s down to the wire. However, those hours that you spend completing the assignment feel stressful and typically lead to a lot of mental anguish on your part.
Aside from a school assignment, however, many of us avoid everyday situations regularly. We attempt to sidestep pain, anguish, and discomfort — but why? How can we stop this behavior, avoid the mounds of unnecessary pressure, and manage life head-on?
Understanding Avoidance
There’s a reason why we avoid things that we perceive to be difficult or hard. It’s easier than facing them upfront. If you avoid the problem, then it isn’t an issue — until it becomes an issue.
This approach doesn’t mean we are crazy, abnormal, or even cowardly. Not at all. It’s that we are not genuinely avoiding the actual problem. Instead, we are avoiding all of the emotions tied to that problem, such as:
Frustration
Anger
Overwhelm
Pressure
Anxiety
Inadequacy
Rejection
These and similar emotions are challenging to experience. So, the answer often is not to face them whatsoever.
Honestly, we do this all the time with issues in our life. Whether it’s doing that massive pile of laundry or… (Click here to continue reading.)